![]() What makes a family? That question has been rolling around in my head for the past couple days. This world often forgets the importance of families and what makes a family in the first place. Families are often thought as people we must love, people that we are just living with, people that happen to share the same genes, the same parents, the same house, etc. I am here to tell you that family is bigger than that! Families are the people that see you as you are. The people that see your mistakes before you can show them that you don’t have any. The first people you learn real love from and real love isn’t perfection. The people that helped you learn to say the words “I am sorry”. These are the people that helped you to understand the world before you could even fathom to figure it out yourself. Whether you enjoy your family or not, majority of us have a family. This blog is here to take you into the reality that everyone has an imperfect family and we are all a jumbled mess trying to work with our imperfections. Imperfections help us to desire to want to be perfect, to strive, to want to work at something so we can realize that perfection wasn’t ever the goal, but you learn along the way that love was the goal the whole time. Wait this pictured family isn't perfect? I thought we looked pretty good with our perfect smiles. ;) So, since we know that we cannot all be like that perfect family on Instagram, are you telling me there are more myths out there than just that the idea that nobody is perfect?! Oh boy, let’s jump into this reality together. Get your helmets guys because you’re about to hit your head pretty hard on this reality check. MYTHS 1. Love lasts forever. Wait are you telling me I can’t love that guy I met in biology class freshmen year of high school and expect to have it be a Cinderella fairytale? Sorry kids, but reality number one is that love does not last forever and you do have to work at it. Love will last if you make the choice to make it last. Think about it, how many people claim they aren’t in love after a couple of years of marriage, then end up getting a divorce because they thought they could last on love? Wow who would have known that love is actually work? 2. Marriage is all rainbows and butterfly’s majority of the time. Well folks, toss out those butterfly nets and that pot of gold you just found because conflict plays a big role in marriages. Conflict isn’t fighting, it is disagreeing on something. Like my wonderful teacher brother Williams said, “We don’t have to be unkind and fight because of our differences.” It is okay to be upset and not have everything go the way we plan, after all we are just people and all have different ideas, but we need to learn how to work with those ideas. Expect to disagree with your spouse or family members. The most important part is to try and compromise in a loving manner! But if you think that you are not supposed to disagree or get into mishaps, being stuck in that rainbow world could get exhausting after a while because remember nobody is perfect. 3. Having everything in common is what you should be looking for. Okay, wait what? Even I reread that myth three times. Having a clone of me would be nice, but I already have experienced 21 years of “me time”. No, I am not saying that you should have everything in common, you should always have things in common, just don’t expect your newly married husband or wife to be exactly like you. The way I think about it now is the idea that I have so many friends that are a lot like me, yet we are all not the same at all. Similarities are crucial to a good marriage and relationship, but someone too similar could drive you insane. Worldly Changes on The Family Now that we got that myth list all figured out, have you ever thought “wow the world has changed ever since my mom was a kid.” Pretty sure we are all guilty of this thought. Well it is true, things have changed especially when it comes to the family. Our parents grew up in a time much different than ours. Look back to those days when your parents had huge families (my dad has six siblings) due to the baby boom after World War II which was during the years 1946-1964. During this time it was normal to have children, in fact it was looked as an accomplishment. These days, you see much smaller families, around 2-3 kids. Oh how times have changed! But why? Why do we not have bigger families? Are we not as in love before? Major key things played into this, first was the women’s revolution. You know that time where voting became a thing for women? Of course, you should, what a time to be alive! Women began to be more focused on those things like getting an education, having successful carriers and not focusing too much of having a family. Not only that revolution played a role, but so did the sexual revolution when birth control became advanced. How many people do you know on birth control? Exactly, quite a few which shows that many people could do all the things they want such as sexual relations without being married or considering a family. Wait I still have more, the divorce revolution. Majority of families these days are divorced, when my mom was a kid divorce was not common and it was rare to have divorced parents (even though they still did). Divorce is an example of changes in family because of the affects it has on everyone in the family. Finally, but the idea of individualism. Not saying being who you are is a bad thing, but how many people these days would rather have a brand-new yacht than start a family? Or focus only on their career? Travel the world to find themselves? Being individualized and finding yourself before a family is just what people do now. Before it wasn’t always like that and that is okay. Not saying this is a bad thing, but it does play a role of putting off when to have a family or even having one at all. Times have clearly changed, myths have come about and our parent’s family lives are very different. None of these are horrible things, but they have played major roles in what makes a family and if a family is in the cards for people. People just have a lot more options, which are so good to have, but sometimes having too many options can make the process of deciding what is most important that much harder. I hope you can rethink your options and know that the family is important, that people are important. Even though the world has many myths floating around, many changes that has occurred with the family and many options we can still build the most beautiful family ever. Don’t give up on family because family matters and making one out of love can lead us to be happier than we ever thought possible. Con amor, Bonnie
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