![]() If there was one thing that I need to be better at, it is being organized. Not saying that I am an unorganized person, but that organization is something very important to everyone’s life, especially when it comes to family life. All families have some sort of organization or in other words a system. Think about it more in the stance of unspoken rules. For example, your friend Molly must be home before midnight every school night, if she doesn’t she knows that she will have a huge fight with her parents when she arrives home at 1 am. Maybe Molly spoke about it with her parents or maybe she didn’t, but she knows that that is how her family works. Maybe, you have some weird unspoken rules too. Like let’s say your mom hates it when you eat in the living room or when you wear shoes all day around the house. You know better to not make your mom upset and break those unspoken rules, kind of like trying to avoid conflict in general. So why are systems so important? Systems are crucial in relationships because they help keep things organized. When we understand, and respect the way others are we contain that in a system. This simple little system is known as the general systems theory which, “offers a set of assumptions regarding the maintenance of any organism or entity as a result of the complex interaction of its elements or parts. Focusing attention of the pattern of relationships within a system or between systems.” In order to have a family that is good and stable it is important to have these systems, not only to have them, but to be willing to change. My great teacher Brother Williams mentioned, “family stability is rooted in change.” Although we all have systems, they are bound to change. Let’s use being an only child as an example. Being honest here friends, you are not always going to be an only child forever (sometimes that’s the case), eventually your parents are going to want to change your family, hence the system will change. Hey, but don’t worry because as long as you have a system that is organized, your family should be pretty successful. *Big sigh of relief* Isn’t learning new terms fun? That’s what I think too! Importance of Systems in The Family Drum roll please, systems are important. You know like the relationship you have with your mom, that’s part of the system. We often call that a subsystem. Look at you, already learning something new! The reason systems help us so much because they make boundaries, without them our families would be crazy. Think about it, without boundaries or rules your kids would never go to bed and probably stay up late eating all the food in your house, which would make them super grumpy and crazy in the morning. I don’t know about you, but I for sure know that I don’t want to deal with a grumpy 5-year-old in the morning due to lack of sleep. Also, with boundaries and rules comes the idea of information processing, when you lay out the rules/boundaries the family members can know how to process information exchanged with the family. In general, when families work together in a system, life is just so much easier. Having control over situations in a loving manner, can help things go more smoothly as a whole. It is kind of like the body, it all works together to stay active or healthy or alive really. Cool huh? That is how a family should be working together in systems! Try it with your family, you will see results. What systems are crucial? First off, it’s we already talked about the general systems theory which is great for having relationships in generals with roles, rules and all that great stuff. Another system that are contained in families is the conflict theory, when people in the family are conflict over the resources provided or have power to influence. An example of this is how when an older brother is in charge over his siblings while the parents are out, just for that period of time. In order to have a good system in the family it’s important to resolve conflicts or respect others. Not only resolving conflicts, but being aware of symbolic interaction with family members. How interacting with each other can be symbolic, full of experiences. These experiences can build relationships and find meaning with interacting with each other. Then that leads to the exchange theory which is that through those relationships we all have social exchanges with each other or roles in the family based on our economics, negation etc. Working together in systems are the things we all need to do as families. Expecting more of ourselves in family relationships is how we have happy family life and marriages. Without high expectations of ourselves, how do we have the ability to expect high expectations of others? Expectations Sometimes I feel so strongly that others think that they deserve the world, when they haven’t created the world they deserve for themselves. If you want a good relationship with someone, be the person that puts forth effort to have that relationship. If you want to have a happy marriage, put forth action to have a happy marriage. The things we want we often expect, but when we stop expecting from others and expect more of ourselves we will attract the things that we want and need when it comes to relationships. So, if you want to be happy expect more of yourself than of others, be the better person and work harder than anyone else to deserve the great family and things that I know you can have. Con amor, Bonnie
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March 2017
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