![]() In all honesty, I think I speak for more people than one when I say I prefer meaningful dates than just “hanging out” or “hooking up”. Believe it or not dating is still alive and somewhat well. Even though our culture has gravitated towards only hanging out and hooking up with individuals there are still people out there who want to date, get to know each other through dates, and just have all-around fun. Remember, dates are planned, paid and paired off. (I learned this from a wise teacher named Brother Williams). So, what is the difference between hanging out and hooking up? Hanging out is when you are with someone who could be a potential person that you want to be girlfriend/boyfriend with, yet instead of going on dates you chill with each other on a couch or something, in general confusing the emotions. While someone who is hooking up gets sexually intimate with someone, leaving them the next day or just seeing each other to do some sort of sexual activity, not really having a real emotional connection with the person that could potentially lead to a relationship. In general, neither of these are good and can confuse, hurt and take away the true meaning of love in relationships. What we all want is to find our person. Someone who is a rating of a high 7 out of 10 that makes you laugh! I mean come on, I am on a right track? RIGHT?! Right. In reality, what most of us want is that fairytale dream, for prince charming to come along to take away all our problems and sweep us off our feet. But that is NOT reality. Reality is like you, perfectly imperfect. The person you end up marrying isn’t going to be perfect, have every single quality you want, or sweep you off your feet like prince charming. Don’t get me wrong, I think there are plenty of people that can sweep you off your feet, but that won’t last forever unless you work hard at it. Being in a happy marriage you need to work hard at it and not expect someone perfect. Bruce A. Chadwick suggests, “all Cinderellas and Prince Charmings to throw away their glass slippers. Following Satan’s encouragement, contemporary society greatly emphasizes courtship, the hunt, or the conquest. The rest of the story, the most significant part of the life story, is dismissed with six words: “And they lived happily ever after.”” This helps show us that there isn’t just one perfect person out there for you, but many. Looks like you won’t be needing that glass slipper after all or that perfect prince charming. In our lives, we want to work towards having a celestial marriage. What does that look like? Well if you want a celestial marriage you would be trying to keep the commandments and live a life worthy for you and your future family. So, what do you do when it comes to dating then? When you date others make the dates fun, get to know them and really show that you care about them. Keep sexual intimacy limited, making it more sacred and meaningful. This will help avoid possible mistakes that could lead to much heartbreak. Look for potential in a person, not perfection. Have the qualities you want your spouse to have because you need to expect more from yourself. Brother Williams in my Family Relations class stated, “In my experience the happiest of marriages are those who expect most of themselves rather than expecting more from the other person.” Expecting the most out of ourselves is good because it leads to being able to fully love ourselves and others. LOVE IS IMPORTANT. Isn’t it crazy to think that research has been done about love and that love is a necessity to everyone, male, female, heterosexual, homosexual and that it is in comparison a need such as the need for water and food. Crazy to think, huh? One thing that I loved learning about love this week was that there are three times of how people love. The first is secure attachment which are people that want to get close to someone and easily trust them. About 59% of people are this kind of love. Then there is avoidant attachment which is having distance from a partner still having control of your own life. About 25% of people have that kind of attachment. Then the last one is anxious/ambivalent style which are those people who have high levels of closeness which can lead to feelings of abandonment in certain situations. This style is about 11% of people. Which one are you? The happies style of love was the secure style because they are willing to understand each other. Whatever style you are it shows how you love. We all need to love and be loved. These are a couple of cool things I learned this week. J XOXO Con Amor, Bonnie
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March 2017
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